The Lord Gives

This Thanksgiving season, I am going to attempt to articulate my gratitude through a blog entry. Something I have never done, but plan to do each year.

This year I have experienced my prayers being materialized, far beyond what I could ever have imagined. This is my “Oceans” prayer. This song is very personal and intimate between the Lord and I.

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For many years, I asked the Lord to give me a family and a place of belonging. A place to call home and hang my heart. The cry of my spirit was for the Lord to take me places my feet would never wonder.

41 years, never married. No children. No siblings. Loneliness, I was highly acquainted with. I recall many times, praying like Hannah. (1 Samuel 9-16). Prayers that cannot be articulated in words. Only tears. Hannah longed for a son. I longed for a husband and family.

Not just any family. My heart craved a kingdom relationship. A kingdom marriage. A kingdom life. I came to a place where I could say, I wanted the Lord’s plans not my own.

The Lord did exactly that. To my astonishment he caused paths to cross and I met the man and his son I have waited a lifetime for.

One thing I have learned about the Lord, he never stops. He is always working in the unseen.

A immediate family wasn’t only what I prayed for. I prayed for a spiritual mother and father, who is like my family. One to share with and learn from.

Through my relationship I met a family who has opened their life and home to me. Welcoming me as one of their own. Larry and Cindy are one of the most generous, gracious and kindness folks I have ever known. My heart spills over with gratitude for them.

Tonight, I am just sitting back and taking it all in. The favor God has poured out on me is breathtaking. I did nothing to deserve all of this. It’s simply a gift.

A gift of belonging. A gift of family. A gift of community.

Thank you Father for being so good to me. Thank you for Larry and Cindy. Thank you for your gift of family. May every ounce of love and kindness they have shown me be multiplied back to the them many times over. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you. (Luke 6:38).

Keeping the green light on,

Speak for the Unspoken

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Redeemed and Rested

Matthew 28:11 MSG. Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

The unforced rhythms of grace. I never knew what that even meant. I never even knew what that implied.

Darkness has a way about it. Walking and never knowing the way. Running and never knowing company in its truest form.

I think the best way to describe being lost, it appears as a large black hole. A region of space having a gravitational pull, that no matter can escape. It’s force, traps as a vacuum.

But then a met a man. A man who is defined by truth and love in it’s purest form. In that moment, my darkness was vaporized in his light. His light pursued in such a captivating form. I couldn’t escape the beaming. No longer able to resist his advances towards me.

Jesus waited on me for 12 years. Patiently waited. If anyone has sinned, it’s me. If anyone has broken the heart of God, it’s me. If anyone had rejected God, it’s me. I forced myself from him. Yet he stayed. Waiting.

Finally, I came to a crossroad. My demise had found me. Ashes and brokenness. My life came crashing down. I surrendered and waved my white flag.

To my surprise, he had never left. He was right there. Standing next to me.

Although, I had rejected him, he took me in. Gently, patiently and carefully. Loving me and washing me from the ugly of my brokenness. Grace is messy and unafraid.

I can speak today of the grace and transformation of Christ. I am a pillar of the scripture, 2 Corinthians 5:17. “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!”

Once was tired. Now I am fully at rest.

My story of redemption. My story, redeemed.

Keeping the green light on,

Speak for the Unspoken

Enlarging Trust

You are the oil to my pen and the author of words written in my heart. Prayers spilling from the depths of transparency. You make me confident. You sustain me, firm in the place of enlarged trust. I cannot be moved from confidence.

I know who you are for me and in me. I abide in the secret place of intimacy.

You have lifted my head so I can see. Everything is so much clearer here. I have a new lens prescribed in the eyes of my soul.

You veil me in with gentle and patient kindness. You remain unchanged in the great transition and rising. The person of Peace keeps me still and close.

You hold me composed in the unknown. I am not afraid. I know in whom I have believed. I am upheld in the shadow of the Almighty. The Lord fights for me.

Fully emerged in favor. Favor pursues me from all directions and unlikely places. I have all that I need.

Your light beams like glitter in the territory you set before me. I always shine with you. My countenance will glow even in a blackout. Darkness is nonexistent to you.

I am fully hemmed in on all sides with provision and protection. I lack nothing. I am content in all things. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I belong to you. My maker and husband.

I am overcome by your reckless love. Nothing can measure up to being perfectly known by you. You enchant my soul. Your uncommon love is endearing. Absolutely breathtaking.

You go before me a prepare a place for me. You ordain my footsteps and establish the work of your hands. You write my story as a canvas of art. You materialize and enlarge my territory.

You seal me in your plans. You never stop or withhold. It is not in your nature to retract the gift of your grace and provision. You do not recant your promise or change your mind.

The ink of my story is still wet and unfinished. Stories are unceasingly being written. Backstage in the unseen, you are orchestrating a masterpiece. Made to measure, uniquely to me, like a Master Potter.

You speak and I live. Trust has enlarged me. Love has made all things new. The best wine of the promised latter, has begun to pour.

Keeping the green light on,

Speak for the Unspoken

Beyond the Thorn

Isaiah 38:18 declares the dead cannot praise you. Death cannot celebrate you. This scripture takes us beyond the physical and into the spiritual. If my spirit is dead, I cannot praise you. My hearts cry is not that God would add years to my life but instead that God would add life to my years.

To rely on God to heal the foundation, core and fabric of who we are is intimate trust. In this place of trust, opens a wide space to allow the the Holy Spirit to design and weave a lifetime of love and hope in us and through us. Wrapping us up in a warm blanket. This allows a place of leaning into his attention and affection above everything and every one.

No matter how stuck you feel or how deep the rut is, he is the way out. He is the way, the truth and the life.

It is our agony that brings his ecstasy. It is our brokenness that brings healing. In his love he casts out all fear. It is the storm that opens the door to his peace. A lighthouse to the one lost at sea. It is our weakness that births new strength beyond our own. It is our lack that brings his provision. It is our darkness that his light is illuminated. A light that reveals the one worthy of praise and admiration.

God will sometimes not remove the thorn in our side. God is at work in the area underneath the thorn. God does not waste our experience, regardless if it is good, bad or ugly. A greater plan beyond the thorn. His kingdom.

The process is painful momentarily. The hope and joy are entirely worth it. Like a mother giving birth. The pain is dissipated from the new life in her arms.

First, Jesus lifted the loaf of bread and blessed it. Second, he broke it. Lastly, he multiplied it. The breaking feels agonizing. Truth speaks in the hope of the breaking. Remember, the breaking was a blessing. After the breaking is multiplication.

The blessing, breaking and multiplication.

Keeping the green light on,

Speak for the Unspoken

The Nature of God

Human nature is to make assumptions and judgments upon others. To assume a stereotype based off of ones past or experience of another.

It’s very natural for us. On the other hand, it is very unnatural for God. His ideas, perceptions and thoughts towards us are not based from the story of our past or even our present. Our anemic and twisted validation bled out on the cross of Calvary. Our old identity died. Our new identity and true validation, materialized from him and in him fully.

The Lord is always intentional in his design. Why else would our shadow be behind us and our reflection in front of us? Our shadow is the darkness of our past but it is not who we are now, in this moment. Intimacy is face to face. Our reflection in front of us is the mirrored identity of Christ.

Identity and validation cannot come from man. It must come from knowledge, relationship and intimacy with God. Otherwise, we will fall into a cycle of insanity with no end. The game is forever changed, if we choose and allow the Lord full access to sanity and truth.

No more lack of identity. No more lack of validation. No more lack of belonging. Only abundance. Abundance of life, love, truth, hope, peace and family.

MSG Psalm 37:5-6

Open up before God, keep nothing back;
he’ll do whatever needs to be done: He’ll validate your life in the clear light of day
and stamp you with approval at high noon.

Grab onto the truth and be a game changer. Bathe in his nature. Become a reflection of him.

Keeping the green light on,

Speak for the Unspoken

Son of Hope

In this year of 2018, the Lord called it the year of the green light. As he unveiled this to me in the beginning of the year, I never imagined that this year would bring me a new beginning in the form of a family.

10.7.17, I lost the greatest and dearest man in my life. He was larger than life and my best friend. My dad and I had a beautiful relationship. Memories that I will cherish for a lifetime.

I said to the Lord, I have no good man in my life anymore. Father, I’m lost at sea and alone. I don’t know what to do or how to put one foot in front of the other.

Our Father is not only good but he exceeds our prayers and desires with his love and kindness. The Lord knew what I needed. He knew that any man that would come into my life would have big shoes to fill and will need a heart big enough to receive my love reciprocated towards him.

The outrageous and uncanny love of our Father found me. Swept me up. Carried me and then gave me to my answered, impossible prayer. The bold and impossible prayers that came to him in the form of tears and groaning.

He gave me two men. Not to replace my dad but to enlarge my secret place of love, belonging, intimacy and hope. He gave me hope and a future.

My now boyfriend Kevin, has an adopted son named Mason who fills my heart overflowing. He is the apple of my eye. I love him as my own. A priceless gift.

October 17th, marks Mason’s adoption anniversary. In honor of this amazing, awesome, handsome, endearing and smart young man, I dedicate this blog to you. This is just for you Mason. I promise, to always stay and to never leave your side. I promise to be your family and to be a vessel. Pouring out the love of God, in the form of a nurturing woman. I am here to cheer you on, support you, believe in you and pray with and for you.

You are surrounded with the love of your father, family, friends and now me. I get to love you and be a part of your life. You are a unique and authentic treasure to me. I believe God sets us apart not aside. You were set apart by God for your family and our Father’s kingdom. A place of genuine belonging, security and stability.

I am honored and truly blessed to be set apart for you. God picked me for you and you for me in such a time as this. Acres of hope. That is you Mason! You are a vessel, spilling over with acres of hope and promise. You have a unique calling. He knew you before you took your first breath and he ordained every sentence, page and chapter in your life. He has plans and designs on you.

Mason, happy adoption anniversary!! We celebrate you. May this day be filled with love, fun, joy and laughter.

Keeping the green light on,

Speak for the Unspoken

Labor of Love

You were meant not to fit. It was by design he set you apart and to search for a love you couldn’t find. People who fit don’t seek. The seekers are the ones who don’t fit. Seek and you shall find.

The Lord spun you around on that barstool and said, “This is NOT you.” God’s call is setting you apart, not aside. Predetermined steps. He labored in seeking you out. When God seeks, he most certainly finds.

I wonder who you are that the Lord would put so much labor and work in setting your platform. What is God doing in your life? The labor involved into setting apart your steps and orchestrating each one of them.

The Lord has designs on you. He has marked you for a purpose far beyond what you could ever do on your own.

Think on this.

Lord, you must have the wrong one. Have you seen me? Have you seen what I have done and the web of sin I am tangled in? Have you seen my mess? Have you seen the brokenness that has become my place of abiding?

He is not afraid or overwhelmed by your past. He sees you. He knows you. He is intimately pursuing you. You are the very one he wants.

Promiscuous grace. Love laboring until you are found. Leaving the 99 because his love is without measure. The kind of love that doesn’t see through the lens you now see from.

God knew what he was doing from the very beginning. He decided from the outset to shape the lives of those who love him along the same lines as the life of his Son. The Son stands first in the line of humanity he restored. We see the original and intended shape of our lives there in him. After God made the decision of what his children should be like, he followed it up by calling people by name. After he called them by name, he set them on a solid basis with himself. And then, after getting them established, he stayed with them to the end, gloriously completing what he had begun. ( Romans 8:29-30 Message Bible)

Do you see the correlation? God looks for the one that looks as if they are too far gone. He looks for the one culture has rejected and abandoned. He is looking for YOU. I believe he has found you and that you are at a pivotal crossroad. Right now, in this moment. He is pointing at you. He has locked eyes with you. You have his full attention. Now is the time. Today is the day. He is calling you to come and walk on the wild side of grace.

Tonight, I had no intentions on putting in an entry to my blog. I felt a tug on my heart strings. I listen up real quick when I hear his heart speaking. I asked the Lord to take the pen of authenticity and that he would speak. That this would be not of myself in any way, shape or form. Instead, I stepped back and said Lord what would you like to say. I’m yours.

Praying isn’t complicated. Nor is there a right or wrong way. It’s simply sharing in the rawest form to your best friend. It’s an unfiltered dialog and relationship with the Lord.

My prayer is that you would allow the Lord access to your heart. That you would lay down your heart, your past, present and future at his feet. Handing over the keys and deed to your heart. Embracing grace that covers all sin. Not one is good. We all have fallen short. A relationship with God is where it all begins. A journey of hope, freedom, life and the promise of never being alone. He is enough for you.

Keeping the green light on,

Speak for the Unspoken