The loss of my dad was the greatest loss I have ever known. It was a blow to my heart and the very core of who I am. He was so many things to me. In his passing, the dynamics of what I lost far surpass just losing my dad.
I am walking through a grief share program to help me through this season of my life. It really has changed the way I see this and how I am managing this grief.
This week was the first birthday without him. He would have been 65 on May 22nd. It was a very emotional day but also filled with many great memories that we shared.
I had made out a list of what I lost when Dad passed away. This list became very real and physically felt this week. So many times I want to reach for the phone and talk to him. I need to talk to him. He was my rock.
The Lord is becoming for me what he never could be for me before because I didn’t need it like I do now. My relationship and how I see him and who he is for me has completely changed. It’s much more intimate, tender and even sometimes funny or silly.
Here is a small glimpse of what my loss looks like without Dad. He was just some of these things for me, which are now gone.
2. Best friend
4. Sports buddy
5. Sharer of private jokes and impersonations.
6. The one who I was never too much for and always had time for me.
8. Source of delight
10. Source of comfort, arms to hold me
11. Shoulder to cry on
12. Pride and joy
13. My cheerleader
14. The one I looked up too
15. The only one who truly understood me.
I never understood the full dynamics of grief until now. It is so much more than losing a loved one. It reaches out into the depths of who they were for you. It doesn’t even have to be someone who has passed away. It can be losing someone in your life that has relocated or is no longer a part of your life. Who they were for you is a deep loss and it takes time to process through that loss. It’s so important to allow yourself to walk through it and feel those raw emotions. Otherwise, we never truly heal and it can hurt the relationships that we do have and our own spiritual, mental and physical health.
Be encouraged today. Allow yourself to process through a loss or grief that goes back years, decades or even just today. Find community and support. More importantly lean into our Heavenly Father. He is the Lord our God who heals us. Exodus 15:26.
Love and prayers,
Speak for the Unspoken