Labor of Love

You were meant not to fit. It was by design he set you apart and to search for a love you couldn’t find. People who fit don’t seek. The seekers are the ones who don’t fit. Seek and you shall find.

The Lord spun you around on that barstool and said, “This is NOT you.” God’s call is setting you apart, not aside. Predetermined steps. He labored in seeking you out. When God seeks, he most certainly finds.

I wonder who you are that the Lord would put so much labor and work in setting your platform. What is God doing in your life? The labor involved into setting apart your steps and orchestrating each one of them.

The Lord has designs on you. He has marked you for a purpose far beyond what you could ever do on your own.

Think on this.

Lord, you must have the wrong one. Have you seen me? Have you seen what I have done and the web of sin I am tangled in? Have you seen my mess? Have you seen the brokenness that has become my place of abiding?

He is not afraid or overwhelmed by your past. He sees you. He knows you. He is intimately pursuing you. You are the very one he wants.

Promiscuous grace. Love laboring until you are found. Leaving the 99 because his love is without measure. The kind of love that doesn’t see through the lens you now see from.

God knew what he was doing from the very beginning. He decided from the outset to shape the lives of those who love him along the same lines as the life of his Son. The Son stands first in the line of humanity he restored. We see the original and intended shape of our lives there in him. After God made the decision of what his children should be like, he followed it up by calling people by name. After he called them by name, he set them on a solid basis with himself. And then, after getting them established, he stayed with them to the end, gloriously completing what he had begun. ( Romans 8:29-30 Message Bible)

Do you see the correlation? God looks for the one that looks as if they are too far gone. He looks for the one culture has rejected and abandoned. He is looking for YOU. I believe he has found you and that you are at a pivotal crossroad. Right now, in this moment. He is pointing at you. He has locked eyes with you. You have his full attention. Now is the time. Today is the day. He is calling you to come and walk on the wild side of grace.

Tonight, I had no intentions on putting in an entry to my blog. I felt a tug on my heart strings. I listen up real quick when I hear his heart speaking. I asked the Lord to take the pen of authenticity and that he would speak. That this would be not of myself in any way, shape or form. Instead, I stepped back and said Lord what would you like to say. I’m yours.

Praying isn’t complicated. Nor is there a right or wrong way. It’s simply sharing in the rawest form to your best friend. It’s an unfiltered dialog and relationship with the Lord.

My prayer is that you would allow the Lord access to your heart. That you would lay down your heart, your past, present and future at his feet. Handing over the keys and deed to your heart. Embracing grace that covers all sin. Not one is good. We all have fallen short. A relationship with God is where it all begins. A journey of hope, freedom, life and the promise of never being alone. He is enough for you.

Keeping the green light on,

Speak for the Unspoken


Promiscuous Grace

Grace chases us down at our lowest level and darkest place. It finds us in our greatest attempt to remain hidden.

This grace is outrageous and promiscuous. His grace will wink at the most unlikely one and pursues the one that feels trapped in same sex attraction.

It chases down the one addicted to drugs and alcohol. It hunts down the most troubled of hearts. His grace mingles with the one who has danced with the devil.

Promiscuous grace will embrace and love the adulterous and the one who would lie in bed with the world. Grace flaunts itself at the ugliest of sin. One wink from you and this grace will go home with you tonight.

His grace flirts with the most broken and lost. It finds the unseen and unheard.

Nevertheless, it will find the one who is comfortable with where they are or content to remain in the shadows. His grace is full of light that cannot be hidden. It naturally draws attention to itself.

When he calls you, grace delivers you to himself. Unveiling beauty from ashes.

You have never gone too far. His grace is enough. It was enough for David who was found in adultery and murder. It was enough for Moses who murdered an Egyptian. It was enough for Jacob the master deceiver. More than enough for Paul who murdered those who dared to speak the name of Jesus.

This radical grace was enough for Rahab the prostitute. Rahab had the honor of being the lineage of Jesus.

Catch my drift? He came to seek and save the sick and broken. The most outrageous of sinners cannot exhaust this promiscuous grace.

Keeping the green light on,

Speak for the Unspoken

The Secret Place

It’s not enough. Yesterday’s wine, it’s not enough Lord. Desire has consumed me and overtaken the crimson fabric of my heart.

Stand closer still, that I may feel your hands overlapping mine. Take me to the quiet place that only inhabits the two of us. Alone in the intimacy of your embrace. Nothing else will do.

Thread your absolute promises into the cloth of my heart. Let the cord between us never be broken.

Immerse me in your secret place. Let me abide forever in the exhilarating person of your presence.

As the deer longs for streams of water, so my soul longs for you. Time dissipates and is meaningless here. Crawling into your lap and leaning into your chest. A place of intimate abiding.

The honey of your spirit is like a perpetual anesthesia. Pain is nonexistent in the intoxication of your presence. Oh, your secret place is where I have found my belonging.

Only love exists here in a language without human understanding. The words form from my mouth as a heavy oil that is limitless. Wordless groans from your spirit consume my spirit. At last, we have become one.

Keeping the green light on,

Speak for the Unspoken

Do You Love Me?

The Lord and I have the most interesting conversations. I love talking with him. Sometimes, I have my way of trying to argue with him. He doesn’t respond during those moments. He waits patiently and listens. He just lets me go on and on. Although, I don’t care for those conversations. Notice I had said I love talking WITH the Lord. I don’t like one sided conversations. It only leads to frustration and loneliness. After I have my moment of “arguing” with him, he will reply, “Do you feel better?” He then proceeds that statement with words fills with truth, grace, love, wisdom and usually he tosses in some humor.

We all like to make our own plans and tell God how we want him to do things. Many times he will give us the things we ask of him and exceed our requests. Then, other times he has other plans.

My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than you ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:8-9.

When I was a young pup I decided to give God an ultimatum. I said, “God, if you won’t give me what I want then I will go find it myself.” So I did exactly that. I walked away. Turned my back on him and shut him out. I broke his heart

I began to mingle with the world and the party lifestyle. I embraced ALL that came with the package. Intoxicated with sin. Consumed with the heart of a rebel. Mask on. I set myself up for heartbreak after heartbreak. Running from the Lord. I packed my bags and moved across country. I played fast and loose with the world. I ended up in the wilderness and in the belly of a whale simultaneously. Most of my first 40 years are a paradigm of what not to do.

I hated where I was and who I had become. Like the prodigal son, I came back. Covered in the blood of my sin. At my feet, next to me were pools of blood. My heart was bleeding out and laid there like shards of glass. Empty, broken and lost. But the Lord in all of his love came running to me. His eyes were full of tenderness and fully lacked disappointment. Bursting with a heart of compassion and second changes he knelt down with me and picked up my heart with great care. Embracing me with all of my shame, guilt, pain and sin. Loving and nurturing me.

Over the past 5 years that I have been walking with him I have fallen head over heals in love with him. I’m captivated by him and infatuated with his presence and Spirit. It is the person of who he is that I crave. I become lost in his presence and forget about myself and everything around me. Fully locking eyes with him.

I am positioning you to the title of my blog with my long winded back drop. It serves a purpose. I promise. (Laughing out loud, in a cheesy way)

Tonight, I had full intentions on trying to convince God that I have great plans. After all, my plans are awesome, right? Well he is good a putting me in my place. Honestly, I like when he does that. Maybe not in the moment but I really do.

He takes me to a scripture that I had forgotten all about. I never read it or hear it talked about. Spiritual recall. In the most uncanny and tender way he spoke it directly to me. It was as if he looked into he deepest parts of my soul and loving spoke.

John 21:15-19 New Living Translation (NLT)

15 After breakfast Jesus asked Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?”

“Yes, Lord,” Peter replied, “you know I love you.”

“Then feed my lambs,” Jesus told him.

16 Jesus repeated the question: “Simon son of John, do you love me?”

“Yes, Lord,” Peter said, “you know I love you.”

“Then take care of my sheep,” Jesus said.

17 A third time he asked him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”

Peter was hurt that Jesus asked the question a third time. He said, “Lord, you know everything. You know that I love you.”

Jesus said, “Then feed my sheep.

18 “I tell you the truth, when you were young, you were able to do as you liked; you dressed yourself and went wherever you wanted to go. But when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and others will dress you and take you where you don’t want to go.” 19 Jesus said this to let him know by what kind of death he would glorify God. Then Jesus told him, “Follow me.”

Whoa!! Right?! This about knocked me on the floor.

Now let me be clear. God always finds a way to redirect us back with his GPS ways. He will recalculate. He is never surprised or caught off guard. But instead, wouldn’t it be epic to say yes to his best?

What do you say in response to him asking you to say yes? God is all about the free will. He is a gentlemen and will never force himself on you.

Putting God in the box of our plans limits him. It quenches his Spirit. He will not cross the red light of our choices and decisions. But he will burst through that green light, yelling she/he said YES!!!

Keeping the green light on,

Speak for the Unspoken


When He Becomes Lord

My single desire is filled by you and from you. Your love commands me towards you. In blissful delight, I lean into you. Whispering in your ear the deepest parts of my heart.

You Lord, only you. Your love fulfills and fills me. Your new wine of plenty, spills out inside the most intimate places of my heart. I lose myself in your arms. I am enveloped in the shadow of your safety.

My proclivity is in you and who you are for me. Encountering you, is better than life. My answer is yes. Lord, take me into the most intimate places of who you are. I feel your breath, as you cup my face with your scared hands.

It’s not enough to know you as Savior. Experiencing you as Lord is intoxicating. Quiet me with epiphanies and encounters of your spirit. Intertwine and mingle your spirit with mine.

Mere words can not articulate the desire stirring in my heart for you. I am finally here, discovering you as Lord. Trust has been introduced, cultivated and entwined into the substance of who I am.

Lack has been swallowed up in the provision of your unfailing love. Bursting with content. Settled in the person of peace. At last, I can rest my eyes in the enlightenment of your truth.

Teach me from this place of rest. Lead me. I cling to your hand, extended towards mine. Position me, in the posture of surrender. Settled at your feet, I have found my belonging and abiding.

Love and prayers,

Speak for the Unspoken

Process of Grieving

The loss of my dad was the greatest loss I have ever known. It was a blow to my heart and the very core of who I am. He was so many things to me. In his passing, the dynamics of what I lost far surpass just losing my dad.

I am walking through a grief share program to help me through this season of my life. It really has changed the way I see this and how I am managing this grief.

This week was the first birthday without him. He would have been 65 on May 22nd. It was a very emotional day but also filled with many great memories that we shared.

I had made out a list of what I lost when Dad passed away. This list became very real and physically felt this week. So many times I want to reach for the phone and talk to him. I need to talk to him. He was my rock.

The Lord is becoming for me what he never could be for me before because I didn’t need it like I do now. My relationship and how I see him and who he is for me has completely changed. It’s much more intimate, tender and even sometimes funny or silly.

Here is a small glimpse of what my loss looks like without Dad. He was just some of these things for me, which are now gone.

1. Dad

2. Best friend

3. Companion

4. Sports buddy

5. Sharer of private jokes and impersonations.

6. The one who I was never too much for and always had time for me.

7. Encourager

8. Source of delight

9. Entertainer

10. Source of comfort, arms to hold me

11. Shoulder to cry on

12. Pride and joy

13. My cheerleader

14. The one I looked up too

15. The only one who truly understood me

I never understood the full dynamics of grief until now. It is so much more than losing a loved one. It reaches out into the depths of who they were for you. It doesn’t even have to be someone who has passed away. It can be losing someone in your life that has relocated or is no longer a part of your life. Who they were for you is a deep loss and it takes time to process through that loss. It’s so important to allow yourself to walk through it and feel those raw emotions. Otherwise, we never truly heal and it can hurt the relationships that we do have and our own spiritual, mental and physical health.

Be encouraged today. Allow yourself to process through a loss or grief that goes back years, decades or even just today. Find community and support. More importantly lean into our Heavenly Father. He is the Lord our God who heals us. Exodus 15:26.

Love and prayers,

Speak for the Unspoken

Kisses of His Love

May our secret place be filled with the sweet nothings of our kisses. Not filled with words to fill up space or time. But the intimacy for your touch to me and mine to you.

Fill my heart with your garden. Cultivate it with your love. Arouse me with the fragrance of your delight.

I long for my heart to be fully created by you. Create and form inside the chambers of the deepest parts of who I am, a heart that fully delights in you. May my heart and will delight in you. Quicken my spirit to run to you to fill my deepest desires and needs.

My security and affirmation are in you. Only you can fulfill the desires of my heart and quench the language of my love.

You lean in with the kisses of your love. The language of your love doesn’t fall short. The love and gentle smile on your face causes me to lean into you for more.

It’s not a forced love. Instead, it’s beautifully inviting. You are the delight of my heart and of my soul. I am captivated by your kindness. I can no longer resist your advances towards me.

I am fully yours. You are fully mine.

Love and Prayers,

Speak for the Unspoken