Tasting Resurrection

Open your mouth and taste, open your eyes and see—
how good God is.
Blessed are you who run to him.

Psalm 34:8 (MSG)

His goodness is beyond our ability to comprehend, but not our ability to experience.

Faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.

Romans 10:17 (NKJV)

Some Christians do not understand what faith means, because the gospel is being drowned out or watered down by culture.

Salvation is experience. It’s knowing who he is for ourselves. It’s having an intimacy with God that is only personal between you and him.

For decades, my understanding of who God is was through others. What they said and what the did. My perception of him was twisted and warped. I saw so much hypocrisy and lack of relationship, that it propelled me to run as far away from him as I could. I felt hurt by God and believed he was not loving nor kind.

I was a runner in life and a runner spiritually. Wanting nothing to do with God nor church.

But suddenly. Yes, suddenly.

I had come to the end of myself. The end of brokenness. The hole I had dug was so deep, you could have buried me there. I was broken and bloody with so much sin that I couldn’t even stand to be in my own skin.

How could God ever forgive me? How could I forgive myself? I was covered in the stink of my sin. Dirty. A filthy rag, is the way I perceived myself. I could never be loved. I could never love myself, i could never love others.

In a now suddenly moment, I spoke to the Lord. I invited him into my life, my mess and my brokenness. This time, I thought he would be the one to run as far away from me as he could.

My experience was completely the opposite. He knelt down in all of my mess. He knelt down and looked me directly in the eyes. With love and forgiveness that made me tremble with awe. He came to me. He loved me with a tender loving kindness that I never knew existed. In that instant, I tasted. I tasted his love, forgiveness, mercy, kindness, compassion and transparency. He knew me fully and didn’t want to leave.

Who does that? Who loves like that? Who cares like that?

Only One. Only Jesus.

For the first time in my life, I allowed myself to taste and experience for MYSELF. I decided and made a proclamation that day. I would only know him for myself. I would only experience him for myself. I would never base my perception of him from others. But only, from my palate. I tasted of the Lord. I savored him. I knew him.

Father, I pray for that one reader. I pray for that one. That one who is at their wits end. The one who can’t stand to live in their own skin right now. Lost. Broken. Messy. Hopeless. Kneel down with that one. Cup their face and gaze into their eyes. Let them taste you in a suddenly moment. Let them know you fully and intimately through personal and authentic experience. Let them see you running towards them. Bring healing, understanding, revelation, freedom, hope, love, compassion, forgiveness, resurrection, new life, new skin and new beginnings. Let them taste you and know for themselves your goodness and mercy.

Rising and Shining,

Speak for the Unspoken

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Waiting is my Portion

The new journey. The new transition. Positioned and birthed into God’s plan. Remarkable. Beautiful. Aw-stricken by the Lord’s goodness.

Waiting, I’m familiar with. I have spend seasons in this place. Now it’s my most favorite place. Sounds crazy, right? It’s entirely the opposite. In this place of waiting, I have found a place of peace in being still and knowing he is God. There is no place equal to it.

He has our full attention. No distractions. Knowing him fully is knowing his very nature. His nature is nurturing, gentle, understanding, kind and patient.

In the place of waiting, he will lead. Leading us into green pastures. Lying us beside still waters. Restoring our soul. Leading us into his righteousness. Redirecting us to a place of favor, even at the table of our enemies. Leading us to a country, foreign and unfamiliar. He anoints our head with oil. Causing our cup to spill over. Allowing the overflow to spill into the lives of others in the waiting.

Waiting is not our pain but portion of promise and peace. The intimacy is breathtaking and time-honored. We get to wait.

In the waiting, he positions us once again to the blessing that is out of our reach and ability. He makes beauty for ashes and gifts us with promise for obscurity.

The Lord never stops. He never leaves us. He always goes before us and prepares a place for us. Just as he did in heaven, he does here on earth. It’s a kingdom thing.

Allow the waiting to gravitate you closer to him. Let the time be his. Intertwine yourself in the Prince of Peace.

Be still and wait. He is always moving and always speaking.

Rising and shining,

Speak for the Unspoken

Come out of Hiding

In the crowd that day there was a woman who for twelve years had been afflicted with hemorrhages. She had spent every penny she had on doctors but not one had been able to help her. She slipped in from behind and touched the edge of Jesus’ robe. At that very moment her hemorrhaging stopped. Jesus said, “Who touched me?”

When no one stepped forward, Peter said, “But Master, we’ve got crowds of people on our hands. Dozens have touched you.” Jesus insisted, “Someone touched me. I felt power discharging from me.”

When the woman realized that she couldn’t remain hidden, she knelt trembling before him. In front of all the people, she blurted out her story—why she touched him and how at that same moment she was healed. Jesus said, “Daughter, you took a risk trusting me, and now you’re healed and whole. Live well, live blessed!” Luke 8:43-48 (MSG)

This woman was declared unclean and was shunned as an outsider. Not only was she labeled unclean but everything she touched was also declared unclean.

There is an interconnection with this woman’s 12 year bleeding and the emotionally and spiritually broken. Many of us have been bleeding on the inside for years or perhaps a lifetime.

Countless souls are like broken like shards of glass. Exposed and sharp. Bleeding from the innermost places of who we are. Abandoned by your spouse, loss of a loved one, verbal or physical abuse, shame from past sexual relationships, broken identity, troubled marriages or lack of intimacy, addiction and rejection. The list is endless.

She had hit rock bottom and had exhausted every resource of possible healing.

Guided by the Holy Spirit, her actions spoke in an authentic voice. She was moved towards the only one strong enough to heal her. Her body was her voice of prayer. No need for words anymore. Her faith became action and she touched him.

This paints a picture for us that words cannot articulate. Sometimes we are so hurt and broken that we have exhausted every word. With the very last drop of strength, we reach for the only one that entirely understands us. Offering unlimited healing without judgment.

In that very juncture, she was made whole.

Leading up to the most amazing point in her story. She could not remain hidden. Her story was uncovered as a light beaming with testimony.

This is my story. He has called me out of hiding. Calling me to speak for the unspoken. To share my story of redemption. No longer enslaved by shame and guilt. Free and forgiven. Restoration of all that was lost.

My life in a glimpse was one of failed relationships. Abandoned by men. Depleted of innocence. No sense of belonging. My trust was pivoted away from men. Feeling dirty and used.

Out of fear, I ran to women. In hopes, for a vast void to be filled. Grasping for physical affection and comfort. I was starving for love and belonging.

My becoming was only left with utter emptiness. I felt further distant from the security of love and belonging.

The shame was crippling. I was drowning in the blood of my sin. I couldn’t breathe. Gasping for one more breath, I cried out to the very one that I rejected. The one whose heart I broke. Feeling like the parodical son, in my asking for him to come live in my heart again.

This is my coming out of hiding. We overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony. This redemption is too real for me to hide. This Hope is too good not to share.

My beauty from ashes, radiates restored purity and innocence. Forgiveness of my darkest of sins. Freedom from the ugly of my shame and guilt. Healing from the consequences of my sin.

Let the redeemed of the LORD tell their story– those he redeemed from the hand of the foe,
Psalm 107:2

Rising and shining,

Speak for the Unspoken

 

You Won My Heart

The day we met. I felt the Lord so near. He rushed in with the breath of his peace. Asking me to follow his lead and Lordship. In these exact words, I said yes. “I say yes to you, Lord. I say yes to you as Lord of my heart and life. You are my King. I will follow.”

Tears dripping down my face the night before. I could hear him so clear. As never before. His presence was felt so close, as he whispered so softly, trust me.

All of these moments collided when I saw you. You were immediately there, without delay. The date still had yet to begin and you were there. With pursuit beaming in your eyes and flowers in your hand.

It was easy. Effortless. The point of time, we began to converse about the Holy Spirit, it happened. I knew then in that juncture, there is substance together with us. It was then, I told the Lord shall we keep going? Fully knowing he was nudging me onward.

Never have I been pursued and respected this way. I never knew what it felt like to be loved by a man that loves Jesus. To have a man intentionally pursuing my heart and hand with such grace. Never forceful or selfish. Instead, I was lavished with honor and purity. Your entire objective was to honor the Lord and God’s daughter.

It was then, I knew. It was you. He said, with a such joy in his tone. Daughter, he’s here. I’m giving him your hand. This is my promise.

Once again, I stood still. Stunned and amazed. Lord, you heard me and you captured my tears and prayers! You held onto them. You kept them.

Kevin, I am your rib. I promise to protect your heart. To give you a lifetime of love and comfort. To journey beside you as your helper. To kneel beside you in prayer. To hold your hand through the good and the bad. To cheer for you and support you in all seasons. To nurture you and care for you all the days of our lives. To laugh with you and make a lifetime of memories.

I am becoming yours and you are becoming mine.

Father, as we journey into commitment and oneness, may we always stay as near to you as you are to us. Forever be our foundation and focal point. Teach us how to love each other as you have loved us, as each day goes by. Let our love always be patient and kind. Never dishonoring or self seeking. Let us never keep a record of wrong but instead, extend grace. Let our love always be rich with protection, trust and hope.

Infuse us with the fruits of your spirit each morning. Envelope us each evening with the peace and rest of who you are in us and for us.

When blessings come, let us praise you with a grateful heart. When challenges come, let us immediately come to you.

Let there never be a lack of peace in our home. May it be rich like new wine in plenty. Make our home one of refuge, stability and unity.

Bring a fullness of unbreakable unity. Make us a cord of three that cannot be easily broken. Let us be empowered with the spirit of agreement in our home.

Make us one as we are one with you.

In Jesus name, Amen.

Rising and shining,

Speak for the Unspoken

My Year of Rising 2019

The Lord always gives me a vision pertaining to the new year with new beginnings. Bursting with excitement I ask Him each year around the holidays.

2018, was my year of the green light. That had so many meanings but I learned most from 2018, I was finally giving the Lord my green light. The Lord never stops. It’s not in his nature. Because of free will, he will stop under the condition, we surrender that access to only him. He a gentleman and never forces himself on us.

2019, he has named it the year of my rising. I asked what does that mean Lord? I’m totally comfortable and good just hanging out in the hidden places. His response was, “My light is never meant to be hidden but to beam with radiance in the darkness.” Darkness cannot shadow the light. The light illuminates everything.

Then he continued. He said, “Daughter, you are not made to hide in the comforts of the unseen. I set you apart, not aside. You are made to fly. To fly like an eagle. I’m giving you the wind. Fly. I’m giving you an arial view. Fly. You will run and not grow weary. You will walk and not faint. Ground warfare is no longer for you. I’m causing you to rise like the eagle and I’m giving you the wind to fly high and go places you never knew existed.

As you rise you will catch my wind and know me in deeper dimensions, our proximity will be touchable. I’m never far away. Only close to my daughter.

As you begin to fly, flap those healed wings I have given you. As you flap your wings they will become stronger and more grave cloths will begin to fall off. This will allow you to go higher and higher. I’m always beside you. I won’t trail behind but I will abide by your side and show you where to go and what to say.”

Rising to His call in 2019,

Speak for the Unspoken

I Will Follow

Following the Lord is becoming his penmanship. It must be an intentional process of allowing him to lead.

Praying the bold prayer of asking the Lord to lead takes courage because it requires receiving his grace to follow. Otherwise, why are we even speaking this prayer?

It becomes a proclamation. Lord, lead me where my feet could never wonder. Spirit, lead me where my faith is without borders.

My journey of redemption entails chapters of being lost and broken in the lifestyle of homosexuality. I was broken by past relationships. I didn’t know who I was. Paralyzed in fear of being hurt further. I was entangled in a web of confusion and lack of identity.

I followed my desire of belonging not my identity in Christ. I followed a twisted understanding of belonging through sexual intimacy with the same sex. I felt safe for a moment. But felt an eternity of separation of genuine love.

The end result of my running produced isolation and sexual addiction that left me empty and shattered in every form.

The Lord is patient and kind. Regardless of the form of sin, it all looks the same at the foot of the cross.

Today, I am free and redeemed. My purity is restored and the Lord has given me a secure place of belonging. The love I now know and experience daily is not linked to sex.

I’m no longer trapped in the lie that I can only be loved as an object of feeding the appetite of self gratification.

I am following the path of purity and grace. Not because I am better than anyone else. Instead, it’s because I have an identity and value. My value is directly supplied through my intimacy with the Lord.

The Lord is leading. I am following. I’m following his lead to allow my story and experience to spill out on others. That they may know for themselves that same freedom and redemption unique to their life.

We all have a story of following something. But it is our choice of who or what to follow.

Lord, as I begin the journey of unveiling untold chapters of my story, bring truth and healing. Bring light where darkness overshadows. Let grace rush in and save broken and shattered hearts and lives. Empower my story for your names sake. Enrich every detail of my story to bring hope and life, where it is nonexistent.

Keeping the green light on in 2018; Rising into an aerial view in 2019,

Speak for the Unspoken

The Lord Gives

This Thanksgiving season, I am going to attempt to articulate my gratitude through a blog entry. Something I have never done, but plan to do each year.

This year I have experienced my prayers being materialized, far beyond what I could ever have imagined. This is my “Oceans” prayer. This song is very personal and intimate between the Lord and I.

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For many years, I asked the Lord to give me a family and a place of belonging. A place to call home and hang my heart. The cry of my spirit was for the Lord to take me places my feet would never wonder.

41 years, never married. No children. No siblings. Loneliness, I was highly acquainted with. I recall many times, praying like Hannah. (1 Samuel 9-16). Prayers that cannot be articulated in words. Only tears. Hannah longed for a son. I longed for a husband and family.

Not just any family. My heart craved a kingdom relationship. A kingdom marriage. A kingdom life. I came to a place where I could say, I wanted the Lord’s plans not my own.

The Lord did exactly that. To my astonishment he caused paths to cross and I met the man and his son I have waited a lifetime for.

One thing I have learned about the Lord, he never stops. He is always working in the unseen.

A immediate family wasn’t only what I prayed for. I prayed for a spiritual mother and father, who is like my family. One to share with and learn from.

Through my relationship I met a family who has opened their life and home to me. Welcoming me as one of their own. Larry and Cindy are one of the most generous, gracious and kindness folks I have ever known. My heart spills over with gratitude for them.

Tonight, I am just sitting back and taking it all in. The favor God has poured out on me is breathtaking. I did nothing to deserve all of this. It’s simply a gift.

A gift of belonging. A gift of family. A gift of community.

Thank you Father for being so good to me. Thank you for Larry and Cindy. Thank you for your gift of family. May every ounce of love and kindness they have shown me be multiplied back to the them many times over. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you. (Luke 6:38).

Keeping the green light on,

Speak for the Unspoken